(Continuation of the previous post..)
After reading Part One a few times, I agree with my husband that it was quite an abrupt place to leave things. I agree! There was no strategy in that—I just had to run and was too impatient to not post.
What is the “big picture” here?
I’d like to state right here and right now that the goal is to not bemoan thoughtful inquiry of others regarding my diabetes or complain about the person who is quick to point out that they “brought sugar-free jello to the church potluck so I would have something to eat.” When I really, (with the right attitude) think about these instances, it is simply overwhelming kindness from people in my life that care about me. It is boggling to have so many caring friends in my life that actually think of me while making preparations for a meal or potluck. Thank you, to each of you who have considered my diabetes in this way. Thank you for asking how I’m doing and thank you for being concerned what is best for me!
Through these kindnesses, I have a heightened awareness that others do think about what I eat and what I should be eating. As I said before, this causes me to think twice about what I put in my mouth while I’m out and about with the masses, which has caused a bit of a dichotomy between food choices while alone and food choices while with others. Is food the big deal here? No.
The need to hide is.
There is a group of masqueraders in the Bible known as the Pharisees. They were concerned about how they appeared to others, not about the inside–even though located on the inside is all the important stuff, like motive, intent, genuineness, and spirit-given or spirit-quenching desires. It’s like the Oreo cream-filling of a person; what’s on the inside truly counts. When Jesus addressed the Pharisees he said that they “outwardly appear[ed] righteous to others, but within were full of hypocrisy and lawlessness” (Matt. 23:28). The comparison I want to apply to my own life is the lack of truthfulness that I evidence when I feel the urge or reserve the right to hide something. Sometimes we intentionally hide, or practically hide. For me this is less about intention to hide. I want to appear to others as having it “all together,” but in my heart I do not have a true desire.
Motivation for healthy living CANNOT be pressure to perform for others or please others.
Guilt manufactures compliance for a season, while conviction yields true transformation.
I must not, and cannot seek an outward change in how I manage diabetes–how exhausting! This battle rages within the thick walls of my heart–fortified by stubbornness and cranky-ness, and selfishness! I need to stop treating my outside like prime real estate and my inside like a closet that only needs cleaning on special occasions. Only as my heart is fully invested in diabetic responsibility, in conjunction with my desire to serve God and bring Him glory, will those outward gestures be meaningful. And only in God’s strength and grace will my heart be changed!
“Change my heart, O God! Make it ever true! Change my heart, O God! May I be like YOU!”
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”
Psalm 51:10 ESV