About 4 weeks ago I started an “8 Week Healthy Challenge” with some friends. I actually initiated the whole thing from the suggestion of one of my friends who did it and was very successful—you know who you are little healthy, skinny-mini. She found it on the “Six Sisters’ Stuff” website/blog. I looked it over and loved it—I also have a few friends who are trying to make some healthy lifestyle decisions, and I thought it would be helpful for all of us to be working toward our goals together. I started the Facebook group, invited friends, typed up the “rules,” bought some extra healthy foods, and rode off into the sunset. The challenge is based on a point system; you earn points each day for things that you accomplish, such as, drinking enough water, eating enough fruits and veggies, not eating after 9 pm, keeping a food journal, etc. There are also things that you accumulate points for after a full successful week: exercise and avoiding sweets. Very straight forward. We also earn points for weight lost and maintained. The first week, one woman lost 7 pounds! I was so happy for her. Some friends lost between one and five pounds weekly and have continued to have good success with their points and weight loss. Three weeks into this thing, I had still not lost any weight! I think I gained like 0.1 ounces. GRRRRR! I know that I am not supposed to be in this for the weight loss, but I was getting pretty grumpy about it! Also, I was feeling like all of a sudden all my friends were asking me all these questions about health! “Why, oh why have I done this?” I asked myself. I’ve opened the door wide open for people to ask, “Hey, did you go to the gym today?” “Are you drinking enough water today?” “Have you had any sugary treats this week?” Oh BOY! What have I done? I think I would be more “gung-ho” if the whole “Healthy Challenge” thing had been paying off in weight loss, but not even an ounce! I think the biggest part is that I really didn’t need to change much about my lifestyle to comply with the rules, I was just now getting points for basically the same as I was doing before.
As this point, it occurred to me, that if I really wanted to shape up, I’d have to really kick it into high gear at the gym. That is pretty much where I’m at. Still knowing that is what needs to be done if I want to lose weight, but knowing that I pretty much count it an accomplishment if I go to the gym.
I found myself overwhelmed by trying to lose weight so I could get points for this challenge, and knowing that my fixation/frustration—my “fixstrution” with the challenge had really distracted me from tight diabetes management. I know, I know what you’re thinking—wouldn’t the challenge only help with diabetes management since it’s all healthy living anyway? Don’t the two go hand-in-hand like Cory and Topanga at the eighth grade dance?
“Briana, you’re just over-analyzing, over-dramatizing, over thinking..”
I know!! I think so too! But, I don’t know what to do about it! I can’t make the two work together in my head. I don’t know if it is my head, or it is the “way I am,” or it is even something that needs to be changed, but I sincerely struggle to focus on more than one thing at once. I feel like if I am a “good preschool teacher,” I cannot be a “good wife” at the same time, or a “good diabetic,” or a “good friend.”
As far as the challenge goes, Week 5 starts Monday, and I’m gonna do it! I’m going to focus on the healthy stuff, keep track, but only as it helps me to be successful as I manage diabetes—especially avoiding highs because that dreadful doctor’s appointment is coming up!
I have been listening to the song “I Need Thee Every Hour” as I drive in my car. It is such a good reminder! I know that God gives me the strength and the ability to accomplish what I need to accomplish in the day, and He knows the perfect balance—where my focus should be, how to think about the things that so easily overwhelm me.
He is my Shelter, Rock, and Hiding Place in these storms that so easily fling me into a sea of uncertainty and confusion.
I am frustrated and overwhelmed. I don’t know how to make all of the things I am supposed to do make sense—am I supposed to be doing all the things I attempt to do? Am I just supposed to be alright with the confusion?
I don’t know.
But I truly am committed to not leave it at “I don’t know.”
God knows. He will reveal it to me as I patiently, persistently pursue His heart.
My intention is not to send a pity-party into cyberspace. I want to be honest about where I’m at and try to work through this struggle that inevitably rears its ugly, albeit predictable head in the road to diabetes management. I do get hung up on this particular point quite often. And I’m still trying to figure it out! I think this is why it is SO important for me to commit to NOT leaving it at, “I don’t know!” because for me, it is a very tempting place to leave it.